As an INFJ, you most likely already know that we are magnets for narcissist personalities. We are our own worst critics, especially when we face external pressure. I had my share of relationships with narcissists and I always felt like it was all my fault. I felt worthless and lonely.
So I had to ask myself…. INFJs are called protectors.
Patterns and Causes of INFP Wounding
However, that protection can go against our own better judgement. Desperately wanting to give love, INFJs start losing the one thing we need the most — self-love. Ward adds:. Everyone has their own path to follow and to become a whole and healthy person, everyone needs to walk that path on their own, making their own mistakes, learning to pick themselves up, and discovering how to love themselves.
Narcissists will only see their own image reflected when they look at you. They will never see who you really are. They will never be satisfied, or grateful.
What you need to do is give that love to yourself, because you deserve it. Your road is not bound to someone who will stop you from fulfilling your full INFJ potential. I should know…. There was a time when I was in a toxic relationship with a hardcore narcissist. There was no us in that relationship, only her. I was at a point where I nearly repeated a year in college because I could not concentrate due to the feeling of guilt.
Concentrate on what you can do to safely get out of this relationship and to recognize your true, wonderful value. Luckily, there are several effective ways to do this.
You are only accepting it so that you can find a solution faster and more efficiently. When you accept where you are, you are ready to act and allow yourself to focus on what you can do to change it. You know in your heart who you are, you know the strength of your kindness, understanding, and empathy. Never allow anyone to convince you that your amazing INFJ traits are weird or not normal. Your gentle INFJ personality is not meant to be with someone who will not give you the feedback you deserve.
Your heart needs the same love and care that you so selflessly give. In order to flourish, INFJs need to be encouraged, not humiliated. You are not responsible for everyone, my fellow INFJ.If you would like to participate, feel free to leave a comment, contact me on instagram infpinsights or send an email to infpinsights gmail.
It is someone who displays the following traits:. Someone with many or all of these characteristics may be diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder NPDa mental illness where the person has unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. But in general, we tend to be less assertive than other types, and less likely to confront conflict head on.
INFPs tend to attract unhealthy people in general, because of our highly empathetic nature, our ability to stand up for the underdog and see the best in others. We attract hurting souls, because we are experts at listening to and accepting others, without projecting immediate judgement. Firstly, be assured that having deep feelings and empathy for others is not a sign of weakness; its is a beautiful strength. However, I know first-hand how one-sided relationships can lead to feeling burnt out, used and unappreciated.
Here are three important things to remember:. As I said before, your empathy and compassion for others are beautiful qualities. No matter how much you care, it is not your responsibility to fix others. This is definitely easier said than done.
I must admit, this is something I struggle with a lot, and am definitely no expert on. However, I did have to do it once in writingto a family member from whom I experienced emotional abuse. I felt terrible doing it, but I knew it was necessary for my emotional health. If these boundaries are not respected, you may need to consider leaving the relationship.
Obviously this depends entirely on the situation, and there is no golden formula. Emotional abuse often goes unnoticed and can be easily overlooked; it cannot be directly observed and is difficult to explain. No matter what, you need to prioritise your emotional health. I had to leave the relationship with the family member I mentioned before. That person also displayed some narcissistic tendencies, such as refusing to empathise with my experience or acknowledge the impact of their behaviour.
I understand how difficult it can be, especially when you have so much empathy for the person and really want them to experience healing. Feeling deeply and empathising with others can be very draining, so it is important to take time out to recharge and reconnect with yourself. This will be different for everyone.
For others, it may be expressing yourself through an art form, or seeking a quiet space to reflect or meditate. He possibly could be a sociopath. I have never been physically abused or in any type of fight in my life, until I met him.
He puts all the blame on me, and once again, I usually end up believing him. The worst pain he inflicts, though, is in his insults.Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum.
Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 38 guests. Psychology and Mental Health Forum. Our partner. Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Forum rules. In short, ENFJs have extroverted feelings, and introverted intuition; as you can see, this could pose a major problem for a narcissist.
Feelings based on others perceptions, but actions provoke internally. The hard part about distinguishing, is the fact that ENFJs are so good at portraying "normal" behaviors, that these narcissists tend to remain under the radar. Are you an ENFJ and a narcissist? If so, how did you figure out it was narcissism? If not, spare to share any thoughts on how to distinguish the two? I love this melo-dramatic teenage girl quote avatar. I love how the italics make this even more dramatic.
For example, my dad says i am an amazing listener and he would tell you i am the deepest thinker he knows. Although, my newly acquired friends would say i am almost histrionic.
Me and my therapist are trying to address the issue of being "myself" stoic vs. Being "myself" requires no effort, but appeasing others generates happiness I would love to talk more about myself, but i want more of your guys's input. I didn't ask for a judgement; i get enough from this forum anyway. And, yes, you don't know. I don't even know.
Accurate, but again irrelevant. Based on the readings, the difference to me is the fact that ENFJ's seek out meaningful relations, where as narcissists do not. Although, i wonder what the difference is, then, between a meaningful relationship and narcissistic supply.
To me, they seem to be one in the same. I guess, how do you define " meaningful "? How does one deem a relationship "of meaning "? The gift and the curse; if you will. The only other person who contacted me on this forum with the same ENFJ tag sounded very similar to myself. She too was a Non. The idea that sound judgement is based on internal intuition and feelings that consider others isn't strongly suggestive of narcissism. I would think someone who sensed thought and couldn't make a judgement might be more akin to narcissism.
What did surprise me and what might be the difference in having a PD or not was what store I put on my own feelings. I would have thought I was a strictly logic based person.INFPs make up only 4. But they tend to enjoy this because they like being different.
It can be lonely sometimes, and it can be difficult, especially in the younger years. Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Instead of seeing things individually or separately, they see everything in clusters.
Everything is collective and related to everything else. This process gives INFPs an awareness of the emotional safety and authenticity levels of others. While other types tend to formulate their own responses while the speaker is still talking, INFPs prefer not to do this, instead listening as long as possible to understand completely.Are INFJs Attracted To Narcissists?
This ability to listen so well gives INFPs an insight into the sincerity, motives, and agendas of the person they are listening to. But did you know that deep inside they are actually extremely passionate, intense, and, often, perfectionistic? Psychologist David Keirsey describes it well:. Because INFPs are so idealistic, and because integrity is so important to them, they hold themselves to extremely high standards.
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Prev Next.My months of research on Narcissists has turned up a recurring theme. As many of you know, the Narcissist typically attracts a specific personality type.
One theory of how Narcissists became the way they are is through faulty parenting. I have to wonder, what causes one person to become a Narcissist, while another becomes kind, caring, and nurturing? Does it have more to do with nature than nurture? The Narcissist and his co-dependent are attracted to one another because of a deep-rooted need to resolve childhood issues. Will the Narcissist ultimately be punished via Karma or eternal damnation for their evil ways, or will they be forgiven for the gift of spiritual transformation their victims often undergo?
Are the heart-wrenching lessons the victims learn some kind of divine intervention? Includes expert advice and tips for encouragement and support. Now check your email to confirm your spot in the mini-course and get your Beginner's Healing Toolkit now!
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The Paradox of the INFJ / Narcissist Connection
Check the bottom of your screen for an instant download or your downloads folder! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I suspect my brother is covert but not as extreme as my mom. I believe being born highly sensitive and growing up with narcissistic wounds lays the groundwork for INFJs.
I also recognize that the golden child potentially suffers from emotional incest my mom treated my brother like a peer most of his life and would seek emotional comfort and validation from him. He also felt compelled to meet crazy high expectations and is very perfectionistic in some things and completely clueless in others.
He, like my mom, must maintain a perfect veneer and seriously cannot take any criticism. I think in his mind, he was never allowed to fail. So obviously it requires nature and nurture to produce INFJs and narcissists. However, I truly believe having that extra sensitivity and intuition more mirror neurons and oxytocin is the defining differentiator.
I did undergo extreme spiritual growth as part of the process — and I think my Ex got the Karmic justice deserved. So take that as you will.
Our brains produce electricity, enough to power a small flashlight. Electrical energy is both positive and negative poles. I think either one can become the narcissist or the codependent.
It depends on the child. I believe the weaker Personality becomes the narcissist.In their relationships, they are both likely to put their partners first and may stay in bad relationships for a long time just to avoid confrontation. Both are generally gentle people who appreciate others for who they are, without attempting to change them or force them to be like them.
They are both very sensitive. So sensitive that some other types may find it very difficult to deal with them because their feelings get hurt very easily. As life partners, they are both very romantic people who tend to become entirely consumed by their relationships — sometimes to the point of ruining themselves.
They are both very adaptable and appreciate change ; they like it when things get a little mixed up in their lives. Both are humble and low-key. Both are caring and empathetic people who are genuinely concerned for others. The INFP finds it challenging to feel happy and content because of their tendency to overanalyze things while the ISFP derives pleasure from simple daily activities and, perhaps, art.
The INFP can see the big picture and connection between seemingly unrelated things and events while the ISFP is consumed by what is immediately in front of him or her. What makes you the way you are? Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist.
Click here to get started.The depth in which an INFP can feel emotions is extraordinary. This wisdom and insight is where morals and standards of behavior are born, and without this gift of conscience the world would be lost. This conscience is what separates us from both machines and animals and allows us to have our uniquely important human experience.
Thank heaven for INFPs! But this depth of contribution comes with a very specific price: exhaustion. As the champions of sovereignty and individuality, INFPs get exhausted in the service of others, while denying these qualities within themselves.
Only INFPs, and a few others, really understand the depth of value they offer to the world. Those fortunate enough to be around healthy INFPs feel like they can achieve anything. The rich inner world of the INFP, and their interpretation of endless possibilities, can give us hope and a welcomed distraction in our times of struggle.
They allow us an escape into a dream world where anything is possible, and in which we can feel safe and loved. Healthy INFPs take it even further. They are masters at helping us choose a powerful story for our lives. They then follow it up by helping us build bridges from our current reality into a newly discovered story.
And they do all this while facilitating us to stay authentic to the journey at hand. What a gift! INFPs can even go so far as to sacrifice themselves, and live an inauthentic life, so that someone else can actualize their dreams. This, of course, eventually leads to resentment and emotional outbursts. What stands in the way of full actualization of a balanced INFP is the following patterning:. When an INFP reaches this point of split, the outer world starts feeling restrictive or suffocating, and freedom and sovereignty can only exist in the distractions of the inner world.
This inner world freedom often takes on the form of stories — either the ones they make up or are found in books, movies, or repetitive board and computer games. This patterning of escaping into a story of infinite possibilities perpetuates the existing wounds and ironically stops the INFP from living authentically in the outside world. If unhealed, this kind of escapism can also lead to addiction and other obsessive compulsive behaviors. The INFPs sovereignty and freedom in the outer world is tied into their level of consciousness regarding this tendency to split realities.